A little ‘ give and take ‘ goes a long way and that’s the Mantra of a good marriage …..

” That’s….Life ” ! PART – II

Marriages are NOT made in Heaven …..

Manisha Gir : Author, Mumbai, 27th. August, 2023. That is what Kaya came to believe after watching the mind-games, ego battles , arguments about gender equality and the cracks seeping deeper into the relationship of her Uncle Rohit and wife Neha .

Rohit was friendly with another working couple … Manav and Madhu. Here the issue of the malfunctioning of their relationship was different.

When Madhu had met Manav he was very sought after by other females for his handsome, sobre, gentle caring nature. She decided she must ‘ have ‘ him. To win him over other females was a challenge to her !

Surprisingly. ..it was a case of the opposites – attract ..as both had very different personalities .

Madhu had a high profile job ..was a go- getter and a social climber.

Manav was a laid back person who worked Online projects from home…was happy and contented with a comfortable life ..avoided the rat-race.

He enjoyed small get together with their close friends and just did not enjoy the hi-fy parties.

In between projects he would take a sabbatical …and go on all-guy’s short trips .

In the beginning Madhu took his slow attitude in her stride…but eventually his unambitious, passiveness started irritating her. She thought he was just ‘ stagnating ‘ .

The main crux was the different levels in their salaries.

Madhu earned a very high salary as compared to Manav’s but it did not bother him. He was happy for her.

Being home…Manav helped in the running of the home as Madhu had hardly any time to spare .Actually …Manav enjoyed it as he was more of a home – bird.

When Madhu returned from work late and tired Manav would attend to lay out the dinner. He liked to do these small things to please and help her.

When their friends pointed out to how lucky she was to be spared of household chores…it did not impress her.
She would retort and taunt him among their friends saying …’ he is home anyway. .what else will he do? He doesn’t have to go out to meet challenges and work all day in an office!’
He has become a cabbage …a couch potato ‘ …she laughed.
They commented…’ but Manav was always like that you knew that ‘

Yes….but then don’t people progress. .have aspirations and ambitions to reach somewhere? He has none ! ‘

At the home front the scenario was the same .While leaving for work she would instruct the maid to prepare baked chicken- mushroom for her dinner …and ask Saab what kachra he wants to have ( as Manav preferred vegetarian )

If the maid needed any provisions she would say….’ tell Saab ..he stays at home while i have to go to work ‘ … thus embarrassing both.

Manav calmly tried to reason with Madhu. ..but to no avail .

Most times he took it in his stride and ignored her barbs but sometimes it was not possible.

Sometimes when he hosted his friends for dinner at a Restaurant….Madhu would place her credit card to pay the bill ….saying ‘ let me …your salary is less than mine. ..I can afford to indulge ‘ .
Kavya had heard a lot of such comments when Madhu visited their home and noticed the disparity in their natures and priorities and wondered what kind of a marriage…if at all it was…anyway ? Is that what people called a ‘ marriage ‘ ?

A continuous friction of personalities and desires hung in the air all the time … then where is the place for any happiness ?
Once Manav’s friend Vineet came to stay with them for a few days …was appalled to watch Madhu’s high handed attitude and quietly asked Manav why did he put up with this nonsense?

There is an unspoken boundary line or a limit which none of the spouses should ever cross. And has to show some respect for the other ‘ commented Vineet.

Manav replied coolly…that he understood Madhu’s misgivings. Some of them were valid some not. He did not retaliate …just to maintain the peace at home else things would escalate to irreparable heights.

They both needed to change which was not possible .

He will try to put up with it as long as he could tolerate. He will try to make her see the causes of their rifts .If they can work out a middle line. ..else will be forced to part ways !
But…leaving each other. ..just like that. ..is that the only solution? Wondered Kaya.

She would discuss all this with her Grandma who professed ..’ actually Madhu should be grateful for being saved from running the house which is a big headache for most working wives to cope with two jobs ….the office and the home .

If Madhu was earning more. ….so what as long as Manav didn’t have any ego problems with it .

She could splurge on her shopping and trips and also save for her future .
Manav should also make some effort to attend few of her social outings if that makes Madhu happy.At least it’s better than facing the daily showdowns.

With Madhu being happy their emotional and physical bonding will improve .

Grandma further observed that ‘ most probably they sleeping with their backs to each other.
No spouse feels upto ..being intimate physically …after a verbal duel.

She further added …’ physical intimacy plays a very pivotal role in any marriage…and the lack of it can break the very cementing of a relationship.

And if we talk about women empowerment…at my mother’s time…even if a woman was uneducated and not earned any money …in many places the ‘ Mother’ was the head of a family. No step could be taken without her permission.
She commanded that respect’
She further added…’ it is very easy to break a relationship but one needs to nurture it on a daily basis to ‘ keep the grass green ‘!

A little ‘ give and take ‘ goes a long way and that’s the Mantra of a good marriage .